Arizona Shooting

Arizona, Culture of Violence, Gabrielle Giffords, gunman, Guns, Kristin Bell, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Psychiatry, Psychiatry Denial, Psychology, Psychosis, Schizophrenia, shooting, Violence

*the pic is a high school yearbook pic of the shooter, Jared Lee Loughner, that was posted at ajc.com

*** Update 1/9/2011 to Clear Up Confusion:  I am in no way advocating that the shooter be given a free pass and let go to go out and commit more killings. That is not what this post is about.***

The dust has not yet settled in the horrific shooting in Tuscon, Arizona where many people were injured and several were killed by a gunman who open fired on a group gathered outside a Safeway to participate in a meeting with Congresswoman Rep. Gabrielle Giffords, D-Ariz. Already people are lining up on each side of their political fence to throw the blame at one another for inciting violence in “the crazies,” but what I fear will probably be lost in all of this is that it probably has nothing to do with politics and more to do with a lone shooter who was most likely mentally ill and set adrift in a gun-toting culture of violence that doesn’t want to deal with the “problem” of mentally ill people, let alone the stigma of it all.

If it turns out that the gunman is mentally ill, there will likely be no discussion about the real issues related to mental health care for people who are seriously ill, and the media will again brandish a VIOLENT person as a representative of what mental illness is. I checked out what is reported to be the gunman’s youtube page: Classitup10 who is supposedly Jared Lee Loughner and his videos are filled with the kind of nonsensical, paranoid ramblings classic in mental illness, especially untreated schizophrenia. If these are in fact his videos, and if he is mentally ill (which is all conjecture at this point: Jan. 8, 2011, 3:30pm), I wonder and fear how this will play out in the media and how it will play out in the courtroom.

Of course, my sympathies are for the people killed and injured and their families, but it would also be tragic if this entire situation was blown up into a political football that people just pass back and forth. If we could come to learn more about the real reasons for violence in our society and possibly learn something real about mental health care and stigma, perhaps all would not be lost. I am not crossing my fingers though.

* below is another pic from the same source of Jared Lee Loughner in 2010.

Review: Buzz—The Science and Lore of Alcohol and Caffeine

Abstinence, Addiction, Alcohol, Alcoholics, Anxiety, Books, Booze, Brain, Caffeine, Coffee, Coke, Medicine, Mental Health, Psychoactive Substances, Reading, Relaxation, Stephen Braun

() I might owe my fast reading of this book to my Starbucks coffee run, but it could also be attributed to the good and interesting writing in this book. “Buzz: The Science and Lore of Alcohol and Caffeine” by Stephen Braun is a captivating discourse on two of the most beloved substances on the planet. At one moment you are a molecule-sized scuba diver following the path of the ethanol molecule throughout the body and the next you are sizing up the athletic advantages of caffeine. The first half of the book is dedicated mainly to alcohol and its effects on the body and brain. The second half discusses caffeine. While the book may be a bit outdated (published in 1996), it still has relavent information for lay readers interested in how caffeine and alcohol work in the human body. The book really left me wanting to know more of the unanswered questions about how these substances work on a microscopic/molecular level. I felt that the first half covering alcohol was more complete, and ultimately more interesting, than the caffeine part, which is why I give this book 4 stars instead of 5. A good read nonetheless and you will come away probably knowing more than you do now about alcohol and caffeine.

Steps To Body Acceptance: A Process

Acceptance, Anorexia, Binge Eating, Body, Body Image, Bulimia, Compulsive Eating, Compulsive Exercising, Discrimination, Eating Disorders, EDNOS, Extended Plus Size, Fat, Fat Acceptance, Fat Hatred, Health, Kristin Bell, Mental Health, Plus Size, Self-Harm, Steps To Body Acceptance, Supersize, Thin, Weight, Weightloss, Weightloss Industry

It has been a long while since I’ve written about body acceptance. I sort of ran out of “steps” that I could think of. For me, it really is a process. I told my therapist that when it comes to weight, weightloss and size acceptance, I feel like I am walking on a balance beam. Not quite a tightrope, but still balancing nonetheless.

Over this past year quite a lot has changed. My blood sugar levels were elevated with an A1C level of 6.3, so my nurse practitioner qualified me as diabetic. She also did other blood work and discovered that I was really low in Vitamin D and that my thyroid was off (hypothyroidism ), so I started meds for those too. I decided that I was sick of people suggesting that I get a gastric bypass, and I felt like I really could be in better shape, so with the combo of meds for my thyroid and blood sugar, watching what I eat a little more, and getting a bit of exercise, I have lost some weight.

However, I still want to maintain my outlook as one of size-acceptance. I know it seems kind of weird to say I am for size-acceptance and still be trying to lose some weight. There really is no manual for this kind of thing, so I’m just working on it as best I can. I am taking steps to improve my health. I got my A1C level down to 5.3 (non-diabetic) so far and my other labs are looking better. I’m still taking meds, but I’m TRYING to take a bit better care of my body. I know that at my size I am not quite as healthy as I could be, but I also know that I am not going to starve myself and turn into a raging bulimic again to try to maintain and lose weight (well, I really hope not at any rate!!!).

But, it is hard in some respects, because when I do make some attempt to pay attention to what I am eating, all of those negative thoughts tend to come back to haunt me. Thoughts like if I eat something “bad” I am being a “bad” person. My therapist calls thoughts like that ANTS (automatic negative thoughts). You know, some months I might gain some weight or not lose weight, and I have to be okay with that.

As a person who has struggled with weight issues all of my life, it isn’t like losing weight is just a matter of calories in and calories out. It is a whole quilt of past experiences, thoughts and feelings related to weight and how I have dealt with things throughout my life as a fat person.

So, I feel like I’m in a process of understanding how to accept myself and my body while trying to take some steps to improve my health. For me, it is important to remember that at the end of the day, the whole world drifts away and what matters is how *I* feel and how *I* can function and accept my body in this life. So, maybe I want to lose some more weight, but I still eat. I still eat “bad” stuff and I’m not ever going to live on a diet of celery, that is for sure. I don’t want to give up my life and I don’t want to give up eating. I just want to live my life the best I can!

P.S. And just so you know I am not anywhere near skinny, I have posted a picture of myself that was taken a couple of days ago! lol

It Gets Better…

Acceptance, Activism, Allies, Bisexual, Bullying, Cool, Dan Savage, Depression, Discrimination, Dyke, Equality, Fag, Friends, Gay, GBLT, Hate, Homo, Homophobia, Homosexual, Hope, Kids, Kristin Bell, Lesbian, Mental Health, Protest, Queer, Same Sex, Savage Love, Self-Harm, Self-Injury, Shame, Suicide, Support System, Surviving, The Stranger, Trannie, Trans, Violence

dog psychiatrists

Art, Cute, Dogs, Kristin Bell, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Psychiatrist, Schizophrenia

I’ve wanted to make something for my psychiatrist for a LONG time, and I finally made something today! I hope he likes it! Those are his dogs that he has in his office with him. They sit on his couch with me when I go see him. :)

“Mental” Is So Horrible! CANCEL NOW!

Kristin Bell, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Psych Meds, Psychiatrist, Psychiatry, Psychiatry Denial, Psycho, Psychosis, TV

Oy! Have you seen Fox’s new show “Mental”??? Hands down it is awful. Not because the acting is bad or because the sets are bad or anything, but simply because it is completely unrealistic as far as the mental health aspect of it goes! I watched the first episode and I thought “oh wow…this is pretty bad, but maybe it will get better.” Then I suffered through the second episode which was even worse than the first episode! Seriously, if any network was to depict any other group of people like they are doing with mental patients, they would be sued in zero seconds! But, it isn’t like it is just painting the patients in a bad light. It is basically making a mockery of the entire mental health system and the psychiatric profession. Not exactly being anti-psychiatry about the mental health system either, but it is like the writers have NO IDEA about anything related to mental health, so they are just making EVERYTHING up!!! Get a clue people! This show bites hard!

(And by the way, the clip above is from one of the more realistic parts of the show…where the psychiatrist gets naked! lol)

Suicide

Acceptance, Alcoholics, Anti-depressants, Anxiety, Ativan, Bipolar, Counselor, Cry, Dead, Depression, Fat Hatred, GBLT, Kristin Bell, Manic-Depressive, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Mood Stabilizers, Panic Attacks, Psych Meds, Psychiatry, Schizophrenia, Self-Injury, Suicide, Support System, Surviving, Xanex, Zoloft

I’m just going to say it: GOD DAMN DEPRESSION!!! It is so horrible that words cannot describe it, right? You know what I am saying. And, at this moment, I have no idea how many people out there are thinking about or attempting suicide. It is the great loss, the tragic loss…every suicide. I’ve tried wrapping my head around it. Tried thinking of it as someone’s way out of pain, but the truth is, each attempt, every moment spent toiling over it: TRAGIC.

I know that it feels like the only way to relieve the pain. Looking back on my own suicidal ideation and attempts, I can only wonder: WHAT WAS I THINKING!?! Okay, I know what I was thinking…tired. tired of being tired. tired of having this huge pain that I couldn’t really describe, this unending sorrow swallowing me whole. Tired of being a failure, and broke, and stupid, ugly, horrible, disgusting, friendless, and every other bad thing I could think to call myself. But, I don’t know, mostly I didn’t even care if I lived or died. These few pills will take away the pain? Okay, I’ll be dead and it won’t matter anymore. My big dillema was getting rid of my body without horrifying other people.

Poll Time Again!

Anxiety, Bipolar, Depression, Kristin Bell, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Polls, Psychiatry, Schizophrenia

Notes on Schizophrenia: Probability/Social Aspects

Allies, Anti-depressants, Anti-psychotics, Friends, Haldol, Kristin Bell, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Problems, Psychiatry, Schizophrenia, Surviving, Violence

So, schizophrenia sounds like a really friggin’ scary deal, and, it kind of is, but the odds are that you probably will not develop it. Interestingly enough, schizophrenia effects about 1 percent of the population worldwide according to most statistics. There also seems to be little variation to the 1 percent figure. In other words, developing and developed countries seem to have the same rates of illness. It seems that there is not one place that has more or less of the disease.

Here are some other figures provided by narsad.org,

So…the Bulimia.

Acceptance, Anorexia, Anxiety, Binge Eating, Body, Body Image, Bulimia, Compulsive Eating, Compulsive Exercising, Denial, Depression, Eating Disorders, EDNOS, Extended Plus Size, Fat, Fat Acceptance, Food, Grrls/Women, Health, Kristin Bell, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Obsessions, Plus Size, Psychiatry, Scales, Steps To Body Acceptance, Supersize, Support System, Surviving, Teeth, Thin, Weight, Weightloss

Well, not only am I a schizophrenic, but I’m a regular girl type. The kind of girl you all know. Which means that growing up I had regular girl problems (not that eating disorders are girl-only problems), not just schizophrenic girl problems. I was a chubby kid. And then as a teenager I went on a crash diet right around the time I first started losing touch with reality. I essentially starved myself so the weight would come off, but then, my hair started to come off too. And, eventually