Review: Loud In the House of Myself by Stacy Pershall

Acceptance, Anorexia, Anti-anxiety meds, Anti-depressants, Anti-psychotics, Anxiety, Ativan, Autobiography, Binge Eating, Bipolar, Black & White, Body, Body Image, Books, Borderline Personality, Bulimia, Compulsive Eating, Compulsive Exercising, Depakote, Depression, Eating Disorders, EDNOS, insanity, Internet, Kristin Bell, Lithium, Loud In the House of Myself, Mania, Manic, Manic-Depressive, MAO Inhibitors, memoir, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Mood Stabilizers, Navane, Prozac, Psych Meds, Psychiatrist, Psychiatry, Psychoactive Substances, Psychology, Reading, Review, Self-Harm, Self-Injury, Stacy Pershall, Stories, strange girl, Suicide, Surviving, Thin, Weightloss

Loud In the House of Myself: Memoir of a Strange Girl is a new book by Stacy Pershall. Of course, I was immediately drawn to this memoir, because it is a) a memoir b) about a “strange girl” and c) deals with mental illness. Yay! Since I’m undoubtably a strange mentally ill girl, I knew I had to read this. Pershall writes about her life growing up in Arkansas and her morphing from an über-sensitive child into a teenager and young adult with Borderline and Bipolar issues. Anyone familiar with the mental illness memoir genre will certainly have heard of Elizabeth Wurtzel, and I just bring her up, because UNLIKE Wurtzel, Pershall is not whiny in her writing! Pershall is matter-of-fact about her trials and symptoms, even though the reader can imagine the actual playing out of illness to be much more harsh and unbearable.

Pershall describes her unrelenting eating disorder, mood swings and suicide attempts with a steady and precise hand. This book seems really accessible to me, because Pershall speaks not only to those of us who have been through the mental health care system, but also to people who might not really understand this special weirdness. The only thing I would like to see more of in this book is more OF this book! haha. Seriously though, I enjoyed reading this memoir and would love to read more from Pershall. I would especially recommend this book to people struggling with Borderline Personality Disorder. There is a special misery only known by Borderlines that is never really represented in the books that ostensibly deal with Borderline Personality Disorder. I really wish there were more accounts like this that show the uncrazy through the crazy of Borderline Personality Disorder.

Yah, Barbie Totally Needs to Lose Weight!

Anorexia, Barbie, Binge Eating, Body, Body Image, Bulimia, Children, Compulsive Eating, Compulsive Exercising, dolls, Eating Disorders, EDNOS, Fashion, Fat, Fat Acceptance, Figure, Grrls/Women, Kristin Bell, ModelMuse, Obsessions, Plus Size, Thin, Weight, Weightloss, Weightloss Industry

WHAT?!? Yes, it is true. They now make an even skinnier Barbie! Apparently she wasn’t thin enough, so they have flattened her out some more. It is okay with me, as long as they make a FAT BARBIE, which they never will do! It is hard to say how much Barbie really warps young minds, but I do think she has had some influence over generations of girls. There have been endless discussions about the body image of Barbie of course, but Barbie is only a part of what the issue is. While Americans get fatter, body image issues get more complex and the Hollywood image of beauty gets thinner and thinner. I guess I can’t be too surprised by Barbie’s new look, but did Barbie really have to go there?!? At least her boobs are smaller, but the dolls are seriously anorexic. Barbie was so thin and out of proportion before. What good could come of anorexic Barbie dolls I ask you?

Steps To Body Acceptance: A Process

Acceptance, Anorexia, Binge Eating, Body, Body Image, Bulimia, Compulsive Eating, Compulsive Exercising, Discrimination, Eating Disorders, EDNOS, Extended Plus Size, Fat, Fat Acceptance, Fat Hatred, Health, Kristin Bell, Mental Health, Plus Size, Self-Harm, Steps To Body Acceptance, Supersize, Thin, Weight, Weightloss, Weightloss Industry

It has been a long while since I’ve written about body acceptance. I sort of ran out of “steps” that I could think of. For me, it really is a process. I told my therapist that when it comes to weight, weightloss and size acceptance, I feel like I am walking on a balance beam. Not quite a tightrope, but still balancing nonetheless.

Over this past year quite a lot has changed. My blood sugar levels were elevated with an A1C level of 6.3, so my nurse practitioner qualified me as diabetic. She also did other blood work and discovered that I was really low in Vitamin D and that my thyroid was off (hypothyroidism ), so I started meds for those too. I decided that I was sick of people suggesting that I get a gastric bypass, and I felt like I really could be in better shape, so with the combo of meds for my thyroid and blood sugar, watching what I eat a little more, and getting a bit of exercise, I have lost some weight.

However, I still want to maintain my outlook as one of size-acceptance. I know it seems kind of weird to say I am for size-acceptance and still be trying to lose some weight. There really is no manual for this kind of thing, so I’m just working on it as best I can. I am taking steps to improve my health. I got my A1C level down to 5.3 (non-diabetic) so far and my other labs are looking better. I’m still taking meds, but I’m TRYING to take a bit better care of my body. I know that at my size I am not quite as healthy as I could be, but I also know that I am not going to starve myself and turn into a raging bulimic again to try to maintain and lose weight (well, I really hope not at any rate!!!).

But, it is hard in some respects, because when I do make some attempt to pay attention to what I am eating, all of those negative thoughts tend to come back to haunt me. Thoughts like if I eat something “bad” I am being a “bad” person. My therapist calls thoughts like that ANTS (automatic negative thoughts). You know, some months I might gain some weight or not lose weight, and I have to be okay with that.

As a person who has struggled with weight issues all of my life, it isn’t like losing weight is just a matter of calories in and calories out. It is a whole quilt of past experiences, thoughts and feelings related to weight and how I have dealt with things throughout my life as a fat person.

So, I feel like I’m in a process of understanding how to accept myself and my body while trying to take some steps to improve my health. For me, it is important to remember that at the end of the day, the whole world drifts away and what matters is how *I* feel and how *I* can function and accept my body in this life. So, maybe I want to lose some more weight, but I still eat. I still eat “bad” stuff and I’m not ever going to live on a diet of celery, that is for sure. I don’t want to give up my life and I don’t want to give up eating. I just want to live my life the best I can!

P.S. And just so you know I am not anywhere near skinny, I have posted a picture of myself that was taken a couple of days ago! lol

So…the Bulimia.

Acceptance, Anorexia, Anxiety, Binge Eating, Body, Body Image, Bulimia, Compulsive Eating, Compulsive Exercising, Denial, Depression, Eating Disorders, EDNOS, Extended Plus Size, Fat, Fat Acceptance, Food, Grrls/Women, Health, Kristin Bell, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Obsessions, Plus Size, Psychiatry, Scales, Steps To Body Acceptance, Supersize, Support System, Surviving, Teeth, Thin, Weight, Weightloss

Well, not only am I a schizophrenic, but I’m a regular girl type. The kind of girl you all know. Which means that growing up I had regular girl problems (not that eating disorders are girl-only problems), not just schizophrenic girl problems. I was a chubby kid. And then as a teenager I went on a crash diet right around the time I first started losing touch with reality. I essentially starved myself so the weight would come off, but then, my hair started to come off too. And, eventually

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The Fat Skeleton in the Closet

Anorexia, Binge Eating, Body, Body Image, Bulimia, Compulsive Eating, Compulsive Exercising, Counselor, Eating Disorders, EDNOS, Extended Plus Size, Fat, Fat Acceptance, Fat Hatred, Food, Health, Kristin Bell, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Obsessions, Psychiatry, Scales, Secrecy, Surviving, Therapist, Thin, Weight, Weightloss, Weightloss Industry

I don’t talk that much about my eating disordered self. My eating disordered self is like the proverbial (fat) skeleton in the closet! Okay, I know skeletons aren’t fat, but mine is! haha. People tend to think one of two things when you are fat. They either think that you don’t have an eating disorder and that you are just lazy, gluttonous, disgusting, and everything else along those lines…OR if they don’t think that, they think you DO have an eating disorder and the eating disorder is OBESITY period. So, basically

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Steps To Body Acceptance #6

Acceptance, Activism, Allies, Anonymous, Anorexia, Anti-anxiety meds, Anti-depressants, Binge Eating, Body, Body Image, Bulimia, Compulsive Eating, Compulsive Exercising, Denial, Dental Care, Depression, Eating Disorders, EDNOS, Extended Plus Size, Fat, Fat Acceptance, Fat Hatred, Food, Friends, Hate, Kristin Bell, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Mirror, Obsessions, Plus Size, Scales, Secrecy, Shame, Steps To Body Acceptance, Support System, Thin, Vegan, Vegetarian, Weight, Weightloss, Weightloss Industry

santared

Well, it is that time of year: the holidays. I know that for people with eating disorders this can seem like the most terrible time of year. Whether you are facing holiday get-togethers with family, friends or co-workers or are just tempted by the food that is normally around, there is no doubt about it: if you have food issues these times will be hard. The thing I want to say about this is

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Steps To Body Acceptance #4

Acceptance, Allies, Anorexia, Anti-depressants, Binge Eating, Body, Body Image, Bulimia, Compulsive Eating, Compulsive Exercising, Denial, Eating Disorders, EDNOS, Family, Fat, Fat Acceptance, Fat Hatred, Figure, Food, Friends, Health, Hiding, Kristin Bell, Mental Health, Obsessions, Plus Size, Scales, Secrecy, Shame, Steps To Body Acceptance, Thin, Weight, Weightloss, Weightloss Industry

karate

I don’t really know how many of these steps there are going to be. I kind of just write about them as they pop into my head even though I may have given them some more thought previously. Anyway, on with step number four. Step number four has to do with dealing with the people you may encounter in your life and the people who are important to you. Just like

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Fat Fat Fattie Fatterson Fattie Fatpants!

Acceptance, Body, Body Image, Bulimia, Discrimination, Eating Disorders, EDNOS, Fat, Fat Acceptance, Fat Hatred, Hate, Health, Kristin Bell, Mental Health, People, Plus Size, Problems, Shame, Thin, Weight, Weightloss, Weightloss Industry

fat

Okay, seriously, if I hear ONE more person tell me that

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Smoothies! Yay!

Anorexia, Binge Eating, Body, Body Image, Bulimia, Compulsive Eating, Compulsive Exercising, Cool, Eating Disorders, EDNOS, Fat, Fat Acceptance, Food, Health, Jainism, Kristin Bell, Orange Juice, Smoothies, Thin, Thrive, Vegan, Vegetarian, Weight, Weightloss, Weightloss Industry

smoothie

My mom and I really like to make smoothies. They are easy to make, healthy and delicious. All you need is a blender and a few ingredients and in seconds you’ll have a yummy treat! The things you can blend are endless, but we like to use

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Steps To Body Acceptance #3

Anorexia, Anti-depressants, Binge Eating, Body, Body Image, Boys/Men, Bulimia, Compulsive Eating, Compulsive Exercising, Counselor, Depression, Eating Disorders, EDNOS, Fat, Fat Acceptance, Fat Hatred, Figure, Grrls/Women, Health, Hiding, Kristin Bell, Measurements, Medicine, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Mirror, Obsessions, Problems, Psych Meds, Psychiatrist, Psychiatry, Psycho, Scales, Secrecy, Self, Shame, Social Worker, Steps To Body Acceptance, Surviving, Therapist, Thin, Uncategorized, Weight, Weightloss, Weightloss Industry

For people who don’t have eating issues (hello? are there really any people out there without eating issues?) anyway, as I was saying for people without eating issues all of this body acceptance stuff must sound completely bizarre! I agree. We shouldn’t be so messed up about our bodies, but we are. So, on with step number three. For step number three

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