Okay, seriously, if I hear ONE more person tell me that I cannot be happy or healthy as a fat person I think I am going to go postal or something! I am soooooo fucking sick of people pretending that they are so concerned about whether or not I lead a “healthy” life. What the fuck is a “healthy” life anyway? Is it “healthy” that I have to walk around in this world discriminated against and battered by friggin’ health nuts and diet freaks?!? Why don’t you people try spending five seconds thinking about psychological health? And really, why don’t you open your friggin’ eyes to a world beyond the media hype about fatness and how it is supposedly killing us all. If I die from a heart attack right this minute, it isn’t going to be induced by my fat body squeezing my heart too tight, it is going to be induced from stress put on me by assholes who want to tell me that I am deluding myself when I say I am happy and healthy!
You want to know the truth? I DO NOT CARE if I can do sit-ups or run a marathon or lift weights or run up and down stairs. I am glad for every day that I am further and further away from junior high PE class where I was forced to run and play like the rest of the kids gulping down my shame for being last and worst and slowest and fattest every single day. I am glad I am further and further away from my 135 pound self when all I could do was starve to get there. When I was thinner I hated myself and I was miserable because I couldn’t eat. But who the hell cares?!? I *must* have been healthier, since I was skinnier! Was I? Does having your hair start to fall out count as healthier?!?
Or maybe I was healthier because I was thinner bent over a toilet five times a day puking my guts out. Yeah, I’m pretty sure THAT is healthy. But you know, damn if I couldn’t run up a flight of stairs back then! All I can say to this world is FUCK YOU and FUCK YOU AGAIN. I am sick of having to “justify my lifestyle” to placate people I don’t even know! If you are so disgusted by my mere presence on this planet, then maybe you should just stay as far away from me as possible.
I am sick of the fucking hypocrites and bigots pretending they are something other than hypocrites and bigots. A bigot wrapped in a cute track suit is STILL a bigot. If you can’t GET how someone can be happy and healthy and fat all at the same time, then maybe you should go get a clue or something. And I don’t care what you hear on CNN or FOX Newschannel or whatever derivative of trash that passes for news these days. The only epidemic in this country is the cult of stupidity and hate whose flames are fed each and every day with sound bytes that support the dominant paradigm.
My entire life has been about hurting because I was never thin enough. But I have never had ONE medical problem because of my fatness. And so the hell what if I end up with some disease? Does that mean that I deserved it or should have predicted that it would happen? WE ARE ALL FUCKING GOING TO DIE OF SOMETHING!!!! Don’t you get that you asswipes?!? You think being thin will stave off death and disease? Then tell me why a friend of mine *just* died despite the fact that he was thin AND athletic ALL of his life????!!!! Do you REALLY think all of these fat people diseases ONLY happen to fat people? Do you really think that YOU will never get sick and YOU will never die? Why is it so goddamn important to people to tell me that I am unhealthy and that I am going to get sick and die?
And while you are so worried about all of us fatties taking up your thin resources like medical care and seats on the plane, why don’t think about about how it is US FATTIES that have had to accommodate to YOU THIN ASSHOLES ALL OF OUR LIVES!!! We have to squish and contort and force ourselves into the shapes that YOU deem appropriate all the time. Use up medical resources? Hell, fat people don’t go to the doctor until they are practically dead anyway! You want to know why? Because the doctors are assholes just like you skinny in the corner laughing at my fatness. In fact, they are worse than you, because we trusted that they would “do no harm,” but instead all they ever do is harm. They accuse and belittle us fatties and shame us and blame every ache and pain and life threatening discomfort on our FAT as if we are not humans and we cannot have ailments that are NOT related to our fat. They are willing to cut up our insides and leave us debilitated for our entire lives rather than deal with us as living, breathing HUMAN people.
Hey, you know what? I don’t sit in judgment of everyone that I come into contact with. I take people for who they are. I don’t suppose that I know what is RIGHT or WRONG for anyone else but myself. If all you can see is FAT EQUALS UNHEALTHY, then that is all about you and it has nothing to do with me, so really, quit trying to lay your moralizing and sermonizing about how I should be “healthier” on me. I don’t need it and I don’t want it. If I wanted to go on a diet I am quite sure I could figure out how to weigh and measure every last gram until I was good and thin and a fat hating robot just like YOU. I don’t want to be a fat-hating robot. I LIKE fat people. They are interesting and nice and smart and funny and lovable and kind and generous and hot and some of the best fucking people you could ever know. And if someone *I* know gets sick or injured I’m not going to be there up in their face telling them that they deserved it, that they should have known it was coming, and it is their own damn fault for not following “the rules” that are etched in which stone was it?
Really, the greatest reason why I am fat and happy is because I don’t have to waste my time with what we call in French FAUX AMIS or false friends. Men don’t like me because I’d make a bad trophy wife and really all of you people running around like chickens with your heads cut off don’t like me because you are sooooo terrified of ending up like me that you will run to the ends of the Earth to get away from someone like me. Fine. I really DO NOT CARE. You can have your stairmasters and your spinning classes and your 2 grams of fat and 90 calorie lunches all you want. I really feel sorry for you all, because you are a pitiful bunch. Everything that you know and care about is based on a house of cards that is built upon appearances, trim thighs and rock hard abs. Your collective narcisscism supports trillions of dollars of industry aimed at keeping you focused on one thin piece of flesh that will eventually wither up and die just like everyone and everything else with a limited lifespan. You think you know your friends and your lovers, but gain a few pounds and watch how they change. The thing is, you don’t even realize that you are living a lie and you willingly believe that your way is THE way. Somehow you really do believe that you should be judged and everyone should be judged by what they look like. You accept being the trophy wives and macho husbands with the ripped abs, because I guess you really do believe that a few pounds of flesh define who and what a person is.
Your problem is that you think I want to be a part of your game. Just because I was picked last for the team doesn’t really mean that I want to actually play with YOU. You are assuming I would give my right arm to be the team captain just like you, but really, I don’t even want to be a part of your game. I am and have always been happier to sit on the sidelines doing things that make ME happy and quite often those things are NOT what makes you or anyone else happy. So really, while I am busy living my life why don’t you try wrapping THAT around your head for a minute or two.