Fat Fat Fattie Fatterson Fattie Fatpants!

August 22, 2007 at 1:29 am | Posted in Acceptance, Body, Body Image, Bulimia, Discrimination, Eating Disorders, EDNOS, Fat, Fat Acceptance, Fat Hatred, Hate, Health, Kristin Bell, Mental Health, People, Plus Size, Problems, Shame, Thin, Weight, Weightloss, Weightloss Industry | 14 Comments

fat

Okay, seriously, if I hear ONE more person tell me that I cannot be happy or healthy as a fat person I think I am going to go postal or something! I am soooooo fucking sick of people pretending that they are so concerned about whether or not I lead a “healthy” life. What the fuck is a “healthy” life anyway? Is it “healthy” that I have to walk around in this world discriminated against and battered by friggin’ health nuts and diet freaks?!? Why don’t you people try spending five seconds thinking about psychological health? And really, why don’t you open your friggin’ eyes to a world beyond the media hype about fatness and how it is supposedly killing us all. If I die from a heart attack right this minute, it isn’t going to be induced by my fat body squeezing my heart too tight, it is going to be induced from stress put on me by assholes who want to tell me that I am deluding myself when I say I am happy and healthy!

You want to know the truth? I DO NOT CARE if I can do sit-ups or run a marathon or lift weights or run up and down stairs. I am glad for every day that I am further and further away from junior high PE class where I was forced to run and play like the rest of the kids gulping down my shame for being last and worst and slowest and fattest every single day. I am glad I am further and further away from my 135 pound self when all I could do was starve to get there. When I was thinner I hated myself and I was miserable because I couldn’t eat. But who the hell cares?!? I *must* have been healthier, since I was skinnier! Was I? Does having your hair start to fall out count as healthier?!?

Or maybe I was healthier because I was thinner bent over a toilet five times a day puking my guts out. Yeah, I’m pretty sure THAT is healthy. But you know, damn if I couldn’t run up a flight of stairs back then! All I can say to this world is FUCK YOU and FUCK YOU AGAIN. I am sick of having to “justify my lifestyle” to placate people I don’t even know! If you are so disgusted by my mere presence on this planet, then maybe you should just stay as far away from me as possible.

I am sick of the fucking hypocrites and bigots pretending they are something other than hypocrites and bigots. A bigot wrapped in a cute track suit is STILL a bigot. If you can’t GET how someone can be happy and healthy and fat all at the same time, then maybe you should go get a clue or something. And I don’t care what you hear on CNN or FOX Newschannel or whatever derivative of trash that passes for news these days. The only epidemic in this country is the cult of stupidity and hate whose flames are fed each and every day with sound bytes that support the dominant paradigm.

My entire life has been about hurting because I was never thin enough. But I have never had ONE medical problem because of my fatness. And so the hell what if I end up with some disease? Does that mean that I deserved it or should have predicted that it would happen? WE ARE ALL FUCKING GOING TO DIE OF SOMETHING!!!! Don’t you get that you asswipes?!? You think being thin will stave off death and disease? Then tell me why a friend of mine *just* died despite the fact that he was thin AND athletic ALL of his life????!!!! Do you REALLY think all of these fat people diseases ONLY happen to fat people? Do you really think that YOU will never get sick and YOU will never die? Why is it so goddamn important to people to tell me that I am unhealthy and that I am going to get sick and die?

And while you are so worried about all of us fatties taking up your thin resources like medical care and seats on the plane, why don’t think about about how it is US FATTIES that have had to accommodate to YOU THIN ASSHOLES ALL OF OUR LIVES!!! We have to squish and contort and force ourselves into the shapes that YOU deem appropriate all the time. Use up medical resources? Hell, fat people don’t go to the doctor until they are practically dead anyway! You want to know why? Because the doctors are assholes just like you skinny in the corner laughing at my fatness. In fact, they are worse than you, because we trusted that they would “do no harm,” but instead all they ever do is harm. They accuse and belittle us fatties and shame us and blame every ache and pain and life threatening discomfort on our FAT as if we are not humans and we cannot have ailments that are NOT related to our fat. They are willing to cut up our insides and leave us debilitated for our entire lives rather than deal with us as living, breathing HUMAN people.

Hey, you know what? I don’t sit in judgment of everyone that I come into contact with. I take people for who they are. I don’t suppose that I know what is RIGHT or WRONG for anyone else but myself. If all you can see is FAT EQUALS UNHEALTHY, then that is all about you and it has nothing to do with me, so really, quit trying to lay your moralizing and sermonizing about how I should be “healthier” on me. I don’t need it and I don’t want it. If I wanted to go on a diet I am quite sure I could figure out how to weigh and measure every last gram until I was good and thin and a fat hating robot just like YOU. I don’t want to be a fat-hating robot. I LIKE fat people. They are interesting and nice and smart and funny and lovable and kind and generous and hot and some of the best fucking people you could ever know. And if someone *I* know gets sick or injured I’m not going to be there up in their face telling them that they deserved it, that they should have known it was coming, and it is their own damn fault for not following “the rules” that are etched in which stone was it?

Really, the greatest reason why I am fat and happy is because I don’t have to waste my time with what we call in French FAUX AMIS or false friends. Men don’t like me because I’d make a bad trophy wife and really all of you people running around like chickens with your heads cut off don’t like me because you are sooooo terrified of ending up like me that you will run to the ends of the Earth to get away from someone like me. Fine. I really DO NOT CARE. You can have your stairmasters and your spinning classes and your 2 grams of fat and 90 calorie lunches all you want. I really feel sorry for you all, because you are a pitiful bunch. Everything that you know and care about is based on a house of cards that is built upon appearances, trim thighs and rock hard abs. Your collective narcisscism supports trillions of dollars of industry aimed at keeping you focused on one thin piece of flesh that will eventually wither up and die just like everyone and everything else with a limited lifespan. You think you know your friends and your lovers, but gain a few pounds and watch how they change. The thing is, you don’t even realize that you are living a lie and you willingly believe that your way is THE way. Somehow you really do believe that you should be judged and everyone should be judged by what they look like. You accept being the trophy wives and macho husbands with the ripped abs, because I guess you really do believe that a few pounds of flesh define who and what a person is.

Your problem is that you think I want to be a part of your game. Just because I was picked last for the team doesn’t really mean that I want to actually play with YOU. You are assuming I would give my right arm to be the team captain just like you, but really, I don’t even want to be a part of your game. I am and have always been happier to sit on the sidelines doing things that make ME happy and quite often those things are NOT what makes you or anyone else happy. So really, while I am busy living my life why don’t you try wrapping THAT around your head for a minute or two.

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14 Comments »

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  1. Hey Kristen,
    I was always the fat girl, last to be picked on nay team. I´m old now and guess what I turned out fine and I´m even HAPPY.
    You are right you should be happy just they way you are. I´m so glad you can do that.
    You are so talented and pretty don´t make fat the focus. You are way to talented for that.
    I let the fat go and it seems like it just melted away… : ) Who cares like I said I´m old so what does it matter?

    Write me any time. You are awesome and I´m so glad I found your blog!
    I sing too an I love your voice and I LOVE YOUR CREATIVITY.
    Mary Jo : )

  2. Duhhhhh, sorry for all my typos!!!!!

  3. (((((((Kristin)))))))
    Im sorry you are going through this. I have gone through it too and it really hurts.
    Hugs, Jennie

  4. I’m not sure how I arrived here! But I’m glad I did.

    Anyway, people who think that fat automatically equals unhealthy can fucking suck it.

    I’m a fatass and I am a lovely girl. I get exercise, I have a social life, I get nookie on a regular basis, yadda, yadda.

    I know people who have exercised all their lives and still end up with health problems. It’s touch and go.

    I’m going to live. The end.

    Great stuff.

  5. Kristin…I ADORE you. You are eloquent, gifted and beautiful, and I have so much admiration for you. If only there were more people like you in this world, my days would be filled with honest happiness.

    Hugs and kisses,

    Caroline

  6. Kristin, I think you are beautiful and I don’t care how much you weigh. I completely agree with you. Thin people can have no idea what it is like to try to love yourself when everyone is trying to hate on you. If you can love yourself and be happy then more power to you! Fat people have feelings, sometimes thin people can’t get that through their thick skulls. My grandmother pulls the health card on me all the time. It’s tiring and depressing and annoying and can really wear on your self-esteem. Just try to remember there are people who feel the same as you do out here, and we think you are wonderful!
    AvoidanceJunkie

  7. Thank you everybody for all of your kind comments! I was afraid I did go a little overboard with my rant! hahaha. I thought I might have really done it and alienated everyone! So, thank you so much for your support and understanding. Hugs to you all! :) kristin

  8. That’s what rants are for, to go overboard and let people know how you feel. Sometimes it takes a rant to get through to people that they are totally clueless and have no business judging anyone by their standards. The only standards I have to meet are mine because I’m the one who lives with the consequences of my actions, no one else. And for anyone who judges me and finds me lacking, well, I don’t need you or your judgmental attitude in my life.
    As you said, we all gotta die sometime of something, and I prefer to have lived my life to the fullest and not let someone say I have to be thin to do it. Sorry, ain’t happening, I’m gonna die fat and happy and loved by those who know me well (and that might be tomorrow or it might be 30 years from now, who cares?).

  9. You go, girl!!!

  10. At my lowest weight I was unhealthy ’cause of the ED. At my highest weight I was unhealthy because of my sedentary lifestyle and emotional eating. I strive for balance.

    I wonder if society has ingrained this in me but I confess I look at someone who is overweight and think “unhealthy”.

    Hear me out. I value health, fitness and athleticism. I hate the extra fat on my body. I want to get rid of it. I want to replace it with muscle and rock hard abs because I want to run up stairs without gasping like a guppy out of water. In fact, my goal is a marathon. I would like a significant other to be in good shape too; exercises buddy are fun. And since I’m a competitive person I’d probably advocate silly games like Who Can Do the Most Sit-ups in two minutes and what not. Most importantly, I honestly feel I’d be happier in a body with a lower weight, a fantastic physique and a high fitness level.

    It is not that hard to be skinny. I mean with severe diets and self-destructive behaviour, a person can become skin and bones (and be totally unhealthy in the process). But being a fit, healthy person living an active lifestyle requires a lot of hard work, many hours of dedication a week and persistence (for years and years and years). I admire this attitude and this way of life. This is what I strive for. Fat isn’t. Is that okay? Does it offend you? *cringes*

  11. I have always been fat – and for all of my life I have felt guilty and ashamed for not fitting into the “cookie cutter image” that society likes to try to force people to fit into. Friends and family have always either tiptoed around the issue for fear of hurting me or they have purposefully belittled and humiliated me to try to “guilt” me into losing the weight. I just wish I could get your entire “rant” on a t shirt so they could get a clue- It says it all. :-)

  12. To Li: Yes, I think you are brainwashed by society to believe that all fat is bad and unhealthy. You cannot judge someone’s fitness level or caloric intake by their fatness. However, I appreciate your honesty without being mean. I understand what you are saying. If you are someone who likes to play situp games, then go for it. No one wants to stop you from doing that. What I am talking about is people openly and actively discriminating against and belittling people because they are fat. If you want a partner who can go running with you, then that is your choice. Still, basing your love life on one dimension aka physical fitness, seems a bit absurd. What if you fall in love with someone and are partners and then your partner gets hit by a bus and becomes paralyzed and can’t walk anymore? Would you end the relationship because you can’t do situp games? What if they could no longer run with you? What if YOU become paralyzed? What do you do if your life is based on one dimension? Still, if you are a person who has suffered from eating disorders, I know that it is hard to take this all in. I do appreciate your openness to express your beliefs and your thoughts. And, no, I’m not offended. :)

  13. To Kara: heh. Thank you so much for your comment. That made me chuckle when you said you’d like to fit the whole rant onto a t-shirt! hehe. I’m sorry you have been made to feel “less than” your whole life. That totally sucks. Hang in there…and remember, you are not alone in your experiences! :) kristin

  14. Strange, I could have sworn I left a comment here….


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