Suicide

December 9, 2008 at 3:42 am | Posted in Acceptance, Alcoholics, Anti-depressants, Anxiety, Ativan, Bipolar, Counselor, Cry, Dead, Depression, Fat Hatred, GBLT, Kristin Bell, Manic-Depressive, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Mood Stabilizers, Panic Attacks, Psych Meds, Psychiatry, Schizophrenia, Self-Injury, Suicide, Support System, Surviving, Xanex, Zoloft | 1 Comment

I’m just going to say it: GOD DAMN DEPRESSION!!! It is so horrible that words cannot describe it, right? You know what I am saying. And, at this moment, I have no idea how many people out there are thinking about or attempting suicide. It is the great loss, the tragic loss…every suicide. I’ve tried wrapping my head around it. Tried thinking of it as someone’s way out of pain, but the truth is, each attempt, every moment spent toiling over it: TRAGIC.

I know that it feels like the only way to relieve the pain. Looking back on my own suicidal ideation and attempts, I can only wonder: WHAT WAS I THINKING!?! Okay, I know what I was thinking…tired. tired of being tired. tired of having this huge pain that I couldn’t really describe, this unending sorrow swallowing me whole. Tired of being a failure, and broke, and stupid, ugly, horrible, disgusting, friendless, and every other bad thing I could think to call myself. But, I don’t know, mostly I didn’t even care if I lived or died. These few pills will take away the pain? Okay, I’ll be dead and it won’t matter anymore. My big dillema was getting rid of my body without horrifying other people. Continue Reading Suicide…

Ironic

January 29, 2008 at 4:28 pm | Posted in Acceptance, Allies, Anti-anxiety meds, Anti-depressants, Anti-psychotics, Cry, Education, Family, Kristin Bell, Lunatic, Medicine, Mental Health, Mental Illness, NIMH, Psych Meds, Psychiatrist, Psychiatry, Psychiatry Denial, Psycho, Psychosis, Purpose, Research, Schizophrenia, Seattle, Surviving | Leave a comment

cryingWhat is ironic is that I’m here in a hotel room in Seattle up late at night watching the movie “Awakenings” just as I finish my own participation in research related to my own mental illness Continue Reading Ironic…

Time To Come Clean

December 4, 2007 at 10:51 pm | Posted in ABC, Cry, Deserving Family, Extreme Makeover Home Edition, Kristin Bell, Sob | 1 Comment

extreme house

Okay, there is something that I haven’t wanted to admit to anyone. Only my family knows about this. It is my dark secret and I don’t know how to stop! I can’t stop Continue Reading Time To Come Clean…

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