Fat Hatred

Suicide

Acceptance, Alcoholics, Anti-depressants, Anxiety, Ativan, Bipolar, Counselor, Cry, Dead, Depression, Fat Hatred, GBLT, Kristin Bell, Manic-Depressive, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Mood Stabilizers, Panic Attacks, Psych Meds, Psychiatry, Schizophrenia, Self-Injury, Suicide, Support System, Surviving, Xanex, Zoloft

I’m just going to say it: GOD DAMN DEPRESSION!!! It is so horrible that words cannot describe it, right? You know what I am saying. And, at this moment, I have no idea how many people out there are thinking about or attempting suicide. It is the great loss, the tragic loss…every suicide. I’ve tried wrapping my head around it. Tried thinking of it as someone’s way out of pain, but the truth is, each attempt, every moment spent toiling over it: TRAGIC.

I know that it feels like the only way to relieve the pain. Looking back on my own suicidal ideation and attempts, I can only wonder: WHAT WAS I THINKING!?! Okay, I know what I was thinking…tired. tired of being tired. tired of having this huge pain that I couldn’t really describe, this unending sorrow swallowing me whole. Tired of being a failure, and broke, and stupid, ugly, horrible, disgusting, friendless, and every other bad thing I could think to call myself. But, I don’t know, mostly I didn’t even care if I lived or died. These few pills will take away the pain? Okay, I’ll be dead and it won’t matter anymore. My big dillema was getting rid of my body without horrifying other people.

Continue reading →

The Fat Skeleton in the Closet

Anorexia, Binge Eating, Body, Body Image, Bulimia, Compulsive Eating, Compulsive Exercising, Counselor, Eating Disorders, EDNOS, Extended Plus Size, Fat, Fat Acceptance, Fat Hatred, Food, Health, Kristin Bell, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Obsessions, Psychiatry, Scales, Secrecy, Surviving, Therapist, Thin, Weight, Weightloss, Weightloss Industry

I don’t talk that much about my eating disordered self. My eating disordered self is like the proverbial (fat) skeleton in the closet! Okay, I know skeletons aren’t fat, but mine is! haha. People tend to think one of two things when you are fat. They either think that you don’t have an eating disorder and that you are just lazy, gluttonous, disgusting, and everything else along those lines…OR if they don’t think that, they think you DO have an eating disorder and the eating disorder is OBESITY period. So, basically

Continue reading →

Seriously Addicted to ANTM

Acceptance, ANTM, Cute, Eating Disorders, Extended Plus Size, Fashion, Fat, Fat Acceptance, Fat Hatred, Kristin Bell, Project Runway

me with my ANTM-inspired make-up

Okay, you may wonder where I have been hiding. I’m sort of stymied for topics to write about right now and I have become addicted to America’s Next Top Model via YouTube uploads. Right now I am on Cycle 8. For me, watching ANTM is a complicated issue. Why? Because of the whole fat thing of course. How can I willingly spend

Continue reading →

Steps To Body Acceptance #6

Acceptance, Activism, Allies, Anonymous, Anorexia, Anti-anxiety meds, Anti-depressants, Binge Eating, Body, Body Image, Bulimia, Compulsive Eating, Compulsive Exercising, Denial, Dental Care, Depression, Eating Disorders, EDNOS, Extended Plus Size, Fat, Fat Acceptance, Fat Hatred, Food, Friends, Hate, Kristin Bell, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Mirror, Obsessions, Plus Size, Scales, Secrecy, Shame, Steps To Body Acceptance, Support System, Thin, Vegan, Vegetarian, Weight, Weightloss, Weightloss Industry

santared

Well, it is that time of year: the holidays. I know that for people with eating disorders this can seem like the most terrible time of year. Whether you are facing holiday get-togethers with family, friends or co-workers or are just tempted by the food that is normally around, there is no doubt about it: if you have food issues these times will be hard. The thing I want to say about this is

Continue reading →

Steps To Body Acceptance #5

Acceptance, Anorexia, Anti-depressants, Binge Eating, Body, Body Image, Bulimia, Compulsive Eating, Compulsive Exercising, Depression, Eating Disorders, EDNOS, Extended Plus Size, Fat, Fat Acceptance, Fat Hatred, Figure, Health, Kristin Bell, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Plus Size, Secrecy, Steps To Body Acceptance, Supersize, Surviving, Weight, Weightloss, Weightloss Industry

surgeon

Well, it is taking me a little more time to come up with steps for body acceptance, because I don’t want to end up repeating myself here. I have a couple of steps that I’ve been thinking about, but I can’t really remember them at the moment, so I’m going to go with one that really struck me today as I was watching someone’s video on youtube where they were talking about being skinny.

Continue reading →

Steps To Body Acceptance #4

Acceptance, Allies, Anorexia, Anti-depressants, Binge Eating, Body, Body Image, Bulimia, Compulsive Eating, Compulsive Exercising, Denial, Eating Disorders, EDNOS, Family, Fat, Fat Acceptance, Fat Hatred, Figure, Food, Friends, Health, Hiding, Kristin Bell, Mental Health, Obsessions, Plus Size, Scales, Secrecy, Shame, Steps To Body Acceptance, Thin, Weight, Weightloss, Weightloss Industry

karate

I don’t really know how many of these steps there are going to be. I kind of just write about them as they pop into my head even though I may have given them some more thought previously. Anyway, on with step number four. Step number four has to do with dealing with the people you may encounter in your life and the people who are important to you. Just like

Continue reading →

Fat Fat Fattie Fatterson Fattie Fatpants!

Acceptance, Body, Body Image, Bulimia, Discrimination, Eating Disorders, EDNOS, Fat, Fat Acceptance, Fat Hatred, Hate, Health, Kristin Bell, Mental Health, People, Plus Size, Problems, Shame, Thin, Weight, Weightloss, Weightloss Industry

fat

Okay, seriously, if I hear ONE more person tell me that

Continue reading →

Fat Grrl Shopping: Sizes 12-44

Acceptance, Body, Body Image, Clothes, Dress, Eating Disorders, Extended Plus Size, Fashion, Fat, Fat Acceptance, Fat Hatred, Figure, Grrls/Women, Kristin Bell, Pants, Plus Size, Shirt, Shopping, Supersize, Swim Suit, Weight, Weightloss, Weightloss Industry

dressgirl

Let’s face it, there aren’t a lot of places to shop for clothes if you wear anything over size 12 and even fewer places to shop if you wear over size 28! So, I just wanted to talk about a few of the places that I have found for clothing and what I do and don’t like about those places. I hope this helps anyone who is looking for something to wear. I will mostly be talking about places that carry up to size 34/38/44.

Continue reading →

Body Narrative: It Is MY Fat Body!

Anorexia, Anti-depressants, Binge Eating, Body, Body Image, Body Narrative, Bulimia, Compulsive Eating, Compulsive Exercising, Depression, Discrimination, Eating Disorders, EDNOS, Fat, Fat Acceptance, Fat Hatred, Figure, Hate, Health, Hiding, Kristin Bell, Life, Measurements, Medicine, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Obsessions, People, Problems, Scales, Secrecy, Self, Shame, Stress, Surviving, Weight, Weightloss, Weightloss Industry

nakedtyping

Well, you can’t see me, but I decided to write this body narrative completely naked except for the computer that is attached to my fingers! Let me tell you why I’m writing this naked. Am I a nudist? No, absolutely not. I really like to wear clothes most of the time. I just wanted to say a little something about being naked, and I thought the best way to do that would to actually be naked while I’m writing this…just so whoever reads this will invariably have to imagine a fat naked woman laying on a towel in her bed typing into her laptop computer. OH MY GOD!

Continue reading →

Steps To Body Acceptance #3

Anorexia, Anti-depressants, Binge Eating, Body, Body Image, Boys/Men, Bulimia, Compulsive Eating, Compulsive Exercising, Counselor, Depression, Eating Disorders, EDNOS, Fat, Fat Acceptance, Fat Hatred, Figure, Grrls/Women, Health, Hiding, Kristin Bell, Measurements, Medicine, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Mirror, Obsessions, Problems, Psych Meds, Psychiatrist, Psychiatry, Psycho, Scales, Secrecy, Self, Shame, Social Worker, Steps To Body Acceptance, Surviving, Therapist, Thin, Uncategorized, Weight, Weightloss, Weightloss Industry

shamegirl

For people who don’t have eating issues (hello? are there really any people out there without eating issues?) anyway, as I was saying for people without eating issues all of this body acceptance stuff must sound completely bizarre! I agree. We shouldn’t be so messed up about our bodies, but we are. So, on with step number three. For step number three

Continue reading →