Okay, you may wonder where I have been hiding. I’m sort of stymied for topics to write about right now and I have become addicted to America’s Next Top Model via YouTube uploads. Right now I am on Cycle 8. For me, watching ANTM is a complicated issue. Why? Because of the whole fat thing of course. How can I willingly spend my time wrapped up in something, really a whole industry, that has nothing but contempt for someone like me? If there ever was an industry out there that was anti-fat and anti-anything-but-rich, it is the fashion industry. There literally is no place for someone of my size in the entire industry. Right now there are people just fighting to be “plus-size” models at size 12. They have a hard enough time getting the fashion industry to take them seriously. What I think it really boils down to is complete elitism and rampant discrimination against people who are not stick thin and against people who don’t have money. The fashion industry has been able to get away with this elitist behavior and attitude for a long time, because it is basically the same rich, thin people and all of their underlings towing the line and perpetually reinforcing the same bad attitudes. The fact is, they could do fat couture if they had the skills or desire, but they choose not to.
I remember watching Project Runway and in almost every season they have a competition where they have to make an outfit for someone who is more “normal” in their proportions…meaning, they have some meat on their bones and are fatter than a waif model. The contempt that most (not all) of the designers show for having to dress a regular woman is unbelievable, but what it really proves to me is how untalented the designers are who cannot create a simple garment for someone above size zero! They sit there and bitch and complain and pretty much only come up with sack dresses, because they are completely inept.
So, for me, this kind of leaks out the real truth about the fashion industry and why top designers refuse to make clothes for real women–they don’t know how to do it. Quite frankly, if I were a fashion designer, I would be designing clothes for fat people, because it is a bigger challenge to try to make something beautiful and exciting for someone who has a lumpy, non-hanger body!
And really, what would it mean to have an entire industry turn on its ear and start developing lines for people who are larger? What would it mean if magazines had photo shoots of fat people too? It would mean that we would have to re-envision our ideas of beauty. THAT would be MAJOR!!!
Gah, there is so much I want to say about this issue that I’m not putting into words correctly! And I want to say why I still love watching ANTM and Project Runway and other fashion-oriented things. Heck, I remember when my parents bought me a subscription to YM magazine when I was a teenager and I just LOVED looking at all the cool outfits the girls would wear in those fashion pages. There is something about it all that is creative and exciting and expressive and theatrical and I love it all. I love the transformations that are created with make-up, hair, clothes, light, and even one expressive glance of the eyes! I guess there is just something about me that makes me want to play dress-up and wear exciting, fun clothes just like other people. Maybe it is my inner drag queen, but I want to look fabulous and fierce just like everybody else!!! I love clothes and putting together outfits, despite the fact, or maybe because my size has been an obstacle to cute fashion my whole life. How many times have I felt terrible for not being able to fit into a smaller size? A million? Billion perhaps.
And, it isn’t only fat that holds me back. It is the money too. I guess I could design and have my own clothes made to order if I was rich enough. What I wouldn’t give to be able to just go to a discount store or thrift store and stock up on simple items too, but I can’t.
So, damn, the industry hates me. I can barely find clothes that are even big enough to fit me! If I gain any more weight I will be out of the clothing realm all together!! I am rejected from an entire industry, but I still look from the sidelines. I don’t know why really. I know it is silly, but there is something glamorous and fun that I just love about fashion!