Kristin Bell

Suicide

Acceptance, Alcoholics, Anti-depressants, Anxiety, Ativan, Bipolar, Counselor, Cry, Dead, Depression, Fat Hatred, GBLT, Kristin Bell, Manic-Depressive, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Mood Stabilizers, Panic Attacks, Psych Meds, Psychiatry, Schizophrenia, Self-Injury, Suicide, Support System, Surviving, Xanex, Zoloft

I’m just going to say it: GOD DAMN DEPRESSION!!! It is so horrible that words cannot describe it, right? You know what I am saying. And, at this moment, I have no idea how many people out there are thinking about or attempting suicide. It is the great loss, the tragic loss…every suicide. I’ve tried wrapping my head around it. Tried thinking of it as someone’s way out of pain, but the truth is, each attempt, every moment spent toiling over it: TRAGIC.

I know that it feels like the only way to relieve the pain. Looking back on my own suicidal ideation and attempts, I can only wonder: WHAT WAS I THINKING!?! Okay, I know what I was thinking…tired. tired of being tired. tired of having this huge pain that I couldn’t really describe, this unending sorrow swallowing me whole. Tired of being a failure, and broke, and stupid, ugly, horrible, disgusting, friendless, and every other bad thing I could think to call myself. But, I don’t know, mostly I didn’t even care if I lived or died. These few pills will take away the pain? Okay, I’ll be dead and it won’t matter anymore. My big dillema was getting rid of my body without horrifying other people.

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Snow on the Blog Again! Yay!

Kristin Bell, Snow

Look everybody! If you notice, it is snowing again on my blog! Yay! Such a cool thing about WordPress is that when winter comes the blogs can snow!!! hehe. Yippee!!!

Poll Time Again!

Anxiety, Bipolar, Depression, Kristin Bell, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Polls, Psychiatry, Schizophrenia

Notes on Schizophrenia: Probability/Social Aspects

Allies, Anti-depressants, Anti-psychotics, Friends, Haldol, Kristin Bell, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Problems, Psychiatry, Schizophrenia, Surviving, Violence

So, schizophrenia sounds like a really friggin’ scary deal, and, it kind of is, but the odds are that you probably will not develop it. Interestingly enough, schizophrenia effects about 1 percent of the population worldwide according to most statistics. There also seems to be little variation to the 1 percent figure. In other words, developing and developed countries seem to have the same rates of illness. It seems that there is not one place that has more or less of the disease.

Here are some other figures provided by narsad.org,

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So…the Bulimia.

Acceptance, Anorexia, Anxiety, Binge Eating, Body, Body Image, Bulimia, Compulsive Eating, Compulsive Exercising, Denial, Depression, Eating Disorders, EDNOS, Extended Plus Size, Fat, Fat Acceptance, Food, Grrls/Women, Health, Kristin Bell, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Obsessions, Plus Size, Psychiatry, Scales, Steps To Body Acceptance, Supersize, Support System, Surviving, Teeth, Thin, Weight, Weightloss

Well, not only am I a schizophrenic, but I’m a regular girl type. The kind of girl you all know. Which means that growing up I had regular girl problems (not that eating disorders are girl-only problems), not just schizophrenic girl problems. I was a chubby kid. And then as a teenager I went on a crash diet right around the time I first started losing touch with reality. I essentially starved myself so the weight would come off, but then, my hair started to come off too. And, eventually

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Standard Ill-Conceived Diary Rant

Diary Rant, Health, Kristin Bell, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Problems, Psychiatry, Schizophrenia, Surviving

First, my apologies, because I fear that this post will just be a standard, ill-conceived diary rant. Sometimes I don’t know what else to do than to simply spew words on a screen (I was going to say on a page, but there aren’t any “pages” in the computer world exactly.) It is 5:30am on the

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untitled pdx

Acceptance, Activism, Allies, Bisexual, California, Discrimination, Dyke, Equality, Ethics, Fag, Family, Friends, Gay, GBLT, Hate, Homo, Homophobia, Homosexual, Kristin Bell, Lesbian, March, Marriage, Movement, Oregon, Organizing, Pansexual, Portland, Prop 8, Protest, Protesting, Queer, Rally, Same Sex, Straight, Trannie, US Politics, Vote, Wedding

fuckh8proprainbowpdx

untitled seattle

Acceptance, Activism, Allies, Bisexual, California, Discrimination, Dyke, Equality, Fag, Gay, GBLT, Homo, Homophobia, Homosexual, Kristin Bell, Lesbian, March, Marriage, Pansexual, Prop 8, Protest, Queer, Rally, Same Sex, Seattle, Slogified, The Stranger, US Politics, Wedding

fuckh8proprainbow

new kiki pics

Animals, Cat Break, Cat Stories, Cute, Kiki, Kristin Bell

kiki decided to body slam me this morning after he walked all over me! haha

kiki pins me!

kiki pins me!

kiki stomps me!

kiki stomps me!

The Fat Skeleton in the Closet

Anorexia, Binge Eating, Body, Body Image, Bulimia, Compulsive Eating, Compulsive Exercising, Counselor, Eating Disorders, EDNOS, Extended Plus Size, Fat, Fat Acceptance, Fat Hatred, Food, Health, Kristin Bell, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Obsessions, Psychiatry, Scales, Secrecy, Surviving, Therapist, Thin, Weight, Weightloss, Weightloss Industry

I don’t talk that much about my eating disordered self. My eating disordered self is like the proverbial (fat) skeleton in the closet! Okay, I know skeletons aren’t fat, but mine is! haha. People tend to think one of two things when you are fat. They either think that you don’t have an eating disorder and that you are just lazy, gluttonous, disgusting, and everything else along those lines…OR if they don’t think that, they think you DO have an eating disorder and the eating disorder is OBESITY period. So, basically

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