Steps To Body Acceptance: A Process

Acceptance, Anorexia, Binge Eating, Body, Body Image, Bulimia, Compulsive Eating, Compulsive Exercising, Discrimination, Eating Disorders, EDNOS, Extended Plus Size, Fat, Fat Acceptance, Fat Hatred, Health, Kristin Bell, Mental Health, Plus Size, Self-Harm, Steps To Body Acceptance, Supersize, Thin, Weight, Weightloss, Weightloss Industry

It has been a long while since I’ve written about body acceptance. I sort of ran out of “steps” that I could think of. For me, it really is a process. I told my therapist that when it comes to weight, weightloss and size acceptance, I feel like I am walking on a balance beam. Not quite a tightrope, but still balancing nonetheless.

Over this past year quite a lot has changed. My blood sugar levels were elevated with an A1C level of 6.3, so my nurse practitioner qualified me as diabetic. She also did other blood work and discovered that I was really low in Vitamin D and that my thyroid was off (hypothyroidism ), so I started meds for those too. I decided that I was sick of people suggesting that I get a gastric bypass, and I felt like I really could be in better shape, so with the combo of meds for my thyroid and blood sugar, watching what I eat a little more, and getting a bit of exercise, I have lost some weight.

However, I still want to maintain my outlook as one of size-acceptance. I know it seems kind of weird to say I am for size-acceptance and still be trying to lose some weight. There really is no manual for this kind of thing, so I’m just working on it as best I can. I am taking steps to improve my health. I got my A1C level down to 5.3 (non-diabetic) so far and my other labs are looking better. I’m still taking meds, but I’m TRYING to take a bit better care of my body. I know that at my size I am not quite as healthy as I could be, but I also know that I am not going to starve myself and turn into a raging bulimic again to try to maintain and lose weight (well, I really hope not at any rate!!!).

But, it is hard in some respects, because when I do make some attempt to pay attention to what I am eating, all of those negative thoughts tend to come back to haunt me. Thoughts like if I eat something “bad” I am being a “bad” person. My therapist calls thoughts like that ANTS (automatic negative thoughts). You know, some months I might gain some weight or not lose weight, and I have to be okay with that.

As a person who has struggled with weight issues all of my life, it isn’t like losing weight is just a matter of calories in and calories out. It is a whole quilt of past experiences, thoughts and feelings related to weight and how I have dealt with things throughout my life as a fat person.

So, I feel like I’m in a process of understanding how to accept myself and my body while trying to take some steps to improve my health. For me, it is important to remember that at the end of the day, the whole world drifts away and what matters is how *I* feel and how *I* can function and accept my body in this life. So, maybe I want to lose some more weight, but I still eat. I still eat “bad” stuff and I’m not ever going to live on a diet of celery, that is for sure. I don’t want to give up my life and I don’t want to give up eating. I just want to live my life the best I can!

P.S. And just so you know I am not anywhere near skinny, I have posted a picture of myself that was taken a couple of days ago! lol

President Obama: It Gets Better

Acceptance, Activism, Allies, American, American History, Bisexual, Bullying, Children, Dan Savage, Depression, Discrimination, Dyke, Fag, Friends, Gay, GBLT, Hate, Homo, Homophobia, Homosexual, Hope, Kristin Bell, Lesbian, obama, Pansexual, Protest, Queer, Same Sex, Self-Harm, Self-Injury, Straight, Suicide, Support System, Surviving, Trannie, Trans, Video, Violence

Mrs. Clinton: It Will Get Better

Acceptance, Activism, Allies, American, Bisexual, Bullying, Children, Dan Savage, Depression, Discrimination, Dyke, Equality, Fag, Friends, Gay, GBLT, Hillary Clinton, Homo, Homophobia, Homosexual, Hope, Kristin Bell, Lesbian, Queer

It Gets Better…

Acceptance, Activism, Allies, Bisexual, Bullying, Cool, Dan Savage, Depression, Discrimination, Dyke, Equality, Fag, Friends, Gay, GBLT, Hate, Homo, Homophobia, Homosexual, Hope, Kids, Kristin Bell, Lesbian, Mental Health, Protest, Queer, Same Sex, Savage Love, Self-Harm, Self-Injury, Shame, Suicide, Support System, Surviving, The Stranger, Trannie, Trans, Violence

Get Salted!

Books, Cyprus Hardwood Salt, Kristin Bell, Mark Bitterman, Powell's Indiespensable, Recipe, Salmon, Salt, The Meadow

Do you like salt? Well, I don’t so much, but salt is everywhere and it is in everything practically. I was happy to get this preview/recipe from my Powell’s Indiespensable subscription, even though I don’t like fish or salt. Anyway, I thought I’d share. It sounds fun to make. The special Cyprus Hardwood salt is available from The Meadow a company in Portland, Oregon. If you try the recipe, be sure to let me know. I’m going to wait for my mom to catch a salmon so she can try this! Click on the recipe to see a larger version that is easier to read. :)

Polly McKean Bell’s Book

1880's, Bell Family, Books, Christmas Traditions, History, Kristin Bell, Mince Meat Pie, Oregon Historical Society, Pioneer Stories, Polly McKean Bell

This is a wonderful little book that was written by my dad’s stepfather’s mother about life in the 1880’s in Astoria, Oregon. The story is very charming. I haven’t scanned the whole story, but I thought I’d include a few pages here. The title is “Evergreen Boughs and Mince Meat Pie.” It is a very sweet story about Christmas time traditions just before the turn of the last century! Be sure to click on the pages to see an enlarged version of the page!

UPDATE: Just found this great story about Polly’s aunt Eliza and Uncle Hustler! http://files.usgwarchives.net/or/clatsop/bios/hustler1188gbs.txt

Review: Devil in the Details-Scenes From an Obsessive Girlhood

Anti-anxiety meds, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Autobiography, Books, Brain, Buspar, compulsion, Compulsive, Humor, Kristin Bell, memoir, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Psychiatry, Psychology, Religion, Scrupulosity

“Devil in the Details: Scenes From an Obsessive Girlhood” by Jennifer Traig will tickle your inner OCD child if you have one. I’m not a full blown OCD person, but I can relate to some of what Traig writes about, and she shows us with much wit what a full blown disorder is like. It is great that she has such a wonderful sense of humor about a disorder that is so crippling to her and so many millions of people like her. For those who don’t understand Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, this gives a good glimpse into a life that is severely train-wrecked by it. I give this four stars instead of five, because I found the ending a bit weak compared to the rest of the book that kept me enthralled. My only unanswered question is: am I the only one who noticed that the candies on the cover of the book aren’t COMPLETELY straight???!!! haha. (  )

Review: The Shiniest Jewel-A Family Love Story

Adoption, Art, Books, Cartoon, Families, Family, Graphic Novel, Illustrated, Kristin Bell, memoir

“The Shiniest Jewel: A Family Love Story,” by Marian Henley is a graphic novel that you won’t want to put down! The story of adoption, life, love, etc. told in adorable cartoons. If you have never read a graphic novel, you should start with this one. You won’t be disappointed. Maybe you are thinking “I’m an adult, I don’t do cartoon books! I need small type, 500+ pages and footnotes to believe I’m really reading.” haha. Don’t be silly. Really, you don’t need to prove to anyone how serious a reader you are! Indulge in some chocolate here! Besides, this book IS serious!

Review: Major Problems in the History of American Families and Children

Academic, American History, Books, Children, Civil War, Families, Family, Frontier, History, Immigrant, Kristin Bell, Major Problems in American History, Native American, Orphans, Primary Sources, Race, Slavery, US History

“Major Problems In the History of American Families and Children” edited by Anya Jabour is one of the books in the Houghton Mifflin ‘Major Problems in American History’ series. The book is a tremendous resource of both primary source documents and academic writings on the subject of American families and children. The book helps to train college students to look for primary sources and how to evaluate those sources by providing examples of discourse related to many of the primary sources in the book. The primary sources in the book are interesting and provoked further exploration of topics which include families in bondage, Native American, Victorian, frontier, Civil War and immigrant families to name a few. It also tackles the case of orphans, families of the 1950’s, the welfare system and late 20th century family politics. An example of what a good textbook should look and operate like. Bravo! (  )

Review: I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings

American, Autobiography, Books, Kristin Bell, memoir, Race, Slavery, The South

“I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings” is Maya Angelou’s memoir of her life up until about her early twenties. Mostly set in the South, she tells of a semi-impoverished childhood in an early 20th century America that is still reeling from the legacy of slavery. Perhaps what is most striking about this memoir is that it was written in the 20th century, but the life she describes is very different than what people experienced even a mere 50 years later. The story is engrossing and at times horrifying, but always interesting. The only reason why I give this book four stars instead of five is that I felt the ending was a bit of a let down–perhaps because I wanted to read more. This book is well worth your time and effort and is an example of why Maya Angelou is so renowned. (  )